While I was blessed with a pretty serendipitous pregnancy, having my baby girl here in the world with me instead of inside of me has honestly freed me. Being a new mom has forced me to ponder what I'm doing in the world and why. Now that I have some time at home, I have privately spent the last three weeks of my life asking myself,"What defines me?" There's a wonderful list of questions on self discovery created by Aileen of Lavendaire.com. I found this amazing blogger and the journaling resource on Pinterest. While it is meant for journaling, I figured I'd share my journey with my Sirens. Come along with me as I rediscover who I am on Behind the Siren. Today, I answer question 9: what are my priorities at the moment? My PrioritiesI love that one of the questions Aileen asked was about priorities. I am a person who has piled too much on my proverbial plate in the past. I am learning to place thing in order, especially as it pertains to what I take on. Right now my life can be divided into 4 major sections: Spiritual, Creative, Personal, and Professional. Those sections are listed in order of priority. When I have accomplished something in each aspect I feel like a better, more whole person.
So, what are my SPIRITUAL priorities?
What are my CREATIVE priorities? I feel obligated to explain why my creative priorities take presidence over my personal and professional goals. My professional and personal aspirations are secondary because my creative talents are God-given. They give me the peace I need to accomplish the other tasks at hand.
What are my PERSONAL priorities?
What are my PROFESSIONAL priorities? Why would my professional goals be last?! Well, after the way that my life has changed in the last 18 months, I've learned that the heart things have to come first. I trust that if I put the things of God as priority he will put in place all the things I need for my professional life.
Taking the time to actually map out what matters most has put some things in perspective. I had to really ask myself if what I was writing was paramount. With these 8 priorities listed I can now see with clarity what I need to focus on. And boy do I have work. What are are your priorities? Let me know below!
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While I was blessed with a pretty serendipitous pregnancy, having my baby girl here in the world with me instead of inside of me has honestly freed me. Being a new mom has forced me to ponder what I'm doing in the world and why. Now that I have some time at home, I have privately spent the last three weeks of my life asking myself,"What defines me?"
There's a wonderful list of questions on self discovery created by Aileen of Lavendaire.com. I found this amazing blogger and the journaling resource on Pinterest. While it is meant for journaling, I figured I'd share my journey with my Sirens. Come along with me as I rediscover who I am on Behind the Siren. what Defines ME?
I used to have this aversion to the "box" definition of a Christian. I also hated the generalities of both black and female identities. The last 18 months of my life have slowly unraveled the tangled webs of my dissidence from "normality." So, what defines me most at this immediate moment is a profound understanding that I am like a lot of other Black Christian women.
Gasps. Grabs heart. Inner Uniqueness passes out.
Modern worldly doctrine makes us feel ashamed for having commonality with those around us. We have become so hell bent on being unique and "ourselves" that we have turned our normal human desire to belong into a curse. Now, instead of embracing other people like us, community has become an accursed thing. How dare you be just like other women who are just like you? We have turned forums and group think into quiet cult-like arenas where we hide in proverbial antiquity.
What chiefly defines me is that I am not alone. Even when society tries to make me feel I am on an island of uniqueness, it really is a nation of other women like me. Secondly, I am a writer who doesn't write her own story. There is a scripture that I have learned to appreciate even more since late 2015. “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 KJV. My savior is the "author and the finisher" of my life. You can imagine that as a writer that scripture always struck a chord with me. It wasn't until God start adding plot twists I wasn't ready for that I truly accepted what it means. God is in control, not my own volition, and certainly not my own strength or character. I am defined by the comfort of knowing that I am not alone. There are other believers who hate Taylor Smith's music and love Nando's Peri Peri. We sci-fi-loving black girls are amongst you. Ha! I am also defined by a deep understanding that the only person who controls who I am is the savior that saved who I was. Now, when life throws some large obstacle in my direction I can yell PLOT TWIST. And brace for impact. God's got this. Are you like me and looking for a community of like-minded women? Join us on the Style Sirens page. Hi, my name is siren. I'm a Christian and I'm an activist.Whew! That was literally hard to write. Here's why: Modern society has made activism and the Christian religion distant from each other. We believers have seemingly become to pious to see the importance of our presence in the fight for social justice. We are so focused on our interests that we get blinded from the big picture; from what I believe are truly God's interests. If you aren't fighting for "Christian" values (i.e. Pro-life, pro-privatization of schools, pro-unity of church and state) then you posting about the disparities of the African American community in America makes you seem more like a secular radical than a believer. So, in the years since true salvation, I have kept quiet in moments of sheer disgust (like the last two weeks). I have treated my Sociology minor as some after fact. I have highlighted my Christian efforts and moonlighted the work I do that I believe breaks social boundaries (sci-fi writing, essay writing, internet chagrinning at racial evil.) For years, I have struggled with the balance between being an uplifter and being an access point to truth. Howard University taught me to recognize truth; social, economic, and political truth. My faith teaches me that the Word is truth. The day to day marrying of those two perspectives is ever present in the way I deal with what is happening in the world around me. There's this tight rope of blackness that I walk, over a valley of Christian shame. I can't point to one person or one group that makes me feel this way. It it is real. It made me uncomfortable in college when the preacher at Chapel talked about politics too much. It makes me avoid conversations about politics with elders in my spiritual community, scared they may denounce Obama for something like not supporting Israel. This grapple has caused me to get off of social media for days at a time to prevent me from constantly writing posts that reflect my political and social opinions. For example, I literally got off of social media for a month after the Zimmerman trial. Even right now, I dread my timeline because of President Donald Trump. But then, something happen. On the same day that Trump issued the Muslim ban, I found out that Flint Michigan still doesn't have proper water. That moment, incited a rant and a lot of prayer. God didn't put me here to tiptoe issues that matter to me. We cringe when our Savior is equated to a revolutionary; forgetting that he literally dismantled a government system that used religion to oppose its people. He was killed for it. That narrative is the backstory of Jesus dying for my sin. THAT MIRACLE. I'm presently working on finding the grace to express the innate frustrations I feel as a black woman in America without shutting down on social media, and without feeling that I am failing as a Christian. Social media is a platform. It is my platform. I'm realizing that, FOR ME, the importance to open the eyes and ears of my peers to social, economic and political truth is just as important as it is to me to share the Word. I can't sit around privately signing petitions, sharing posts that I think are irrefutable, and hesitating to share facts about what is happening in my community. I've dipped and dabbled in all types of things. Since closing ATS, I've been throwing tomatoes at the wall to see which will stick. "Maybe a Christian platform, maybe a mom blog, maybe YouTube." Nothing has sufficed the hunger in my souls to address my people's issues. I'm not an activist quite yet. But I am ready to rise to the call of the high mark on my life. I have no ministry without social justice. I have no social justice without ministry. Pray for me to be strong. Pray for me to be obedient. But, most of all pray for me to be courageous. Check out the sneak peek below of the last email sent from my TinyLetter! Feel free to subscribe! I don't know if it is the fact there is an orange man in the White House. I don't know if it is the fact that I am carrying a young Black mind inside me. I don't know if it is because I sat in on an interview with Micheal Eric Dyson and my husband is reading Why We Can't Wait by MLK. But, I'm finally mad. I'm actually upset beyond reproach. That anger is not removable. It can't be bothered by the stories of Black women doing magical things like past spouts. It cannot be scathed by my understanding that God is sovereign. In fact, my anger, this righteous bubble boiling up to my throat, is championed by my faith. |
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