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There's a wonderful list of questions on self discovery created by Aileen of Lavendaire.com. I found this amazing blogger and the journaling resource on Pinterest. While it is meant for journaling, I figured I'd share my journey with my Sirens. Come along with me as I rediscover who I am on Behind the Siren. Today, I answer question 1: How do you feel at the moment? I am more than ecstatic about life right now. Everyone around me seems to be progressing, my baby girl is healthy AND I am finally back into the swing of writing.
I have to be honest, prior to last month I was in a dry season creatively. So much positive was swimming around me but I just couldn't get myself to use my creative gifts. Coming out of that season has been refreshing! I almost feel like a speaker that had been turned down that's now bursting with music. Was that analogy lame? lol regardless I'm glad to be where I am! Another thing that has me head over heels is the fact that it is StoryTeller Friday!!! The writer is back writing and I'm blooming where I was planted. I set out a goal of writing a short story every week. While at the beginning of the year I wasn't able to keep my promise, I'm ready to rock and roll this week! This week's story is one of my faves! Check it out here! There's a wonderful list of questions on self discovery created by Aileen of Lavendaire.com. I found this amazing blogger and the journaling resource on Pinterest. While it is meant for journaling, I figured I'd share my journey with my Sirens. Come along with me as I rediscover who I am on Behind the Siren. Today, I answer question 30: At the end of my life, what do I want my legacy to be? I wrote a tweet years ago. Before ATS really got poppin, before I published Falon's Ending and definitely before I became a wife and a mother. I want to be a crazy mix of Octavia Butler, Joyce Meyer and Oprah.
When I pass, I want to leave behind stories that draw people from this world, this planet and this plane of knowledge. I want my books to make people question who they are and what is real. I want my life to answer the questions my book suppose. After people have entered other realms I want my profession of faith to help make sense of this reality. I think I've always been afraid to be a proper writer. There was always something I wanted to do in junction to avoid being a pauper. This week my sister called me asking this very question. "What do you want to do?" Writing alone isn't it. But I don't exist without writing either. So I'm presently praying for wisdom. I'm asking that God sends me boldly in the direction of what sets his heart on fire for me. There's a wonderful list of questions on self discovery created by Aileen of Lavendaire.com. I found this amazing blogger and the journaling resource on Pinterest. While it is meant for journaling, I figured I'd share my journey with my Sirens. Come along with me as I rediscover who I am on Behind the Siren. Today, I answer question 24: What is something I would like to learn? i wanna learn how To...My husband bought me an acoustic guitar for our first Christmas together in 2015. Since then, my gorgeous gift has sat in closets and corners. It has been shunned to the back burners of my time. It has been a toddler distraction device. I would love to learn how to play it.
I'm not sure what inspired my desire for a guitar in the first place; maybe its my inner hippie wanting to break free. It could be the love of music and worship. Whatever the initial spark, I have been saying I wanted to learn for years. What lessons do you you want to learn this year? While I was blessed with a pretty serendipitous pregnancy, having my baby girl here in the world with me instead of inside of me has honestly freed me. Being a new mom has forced me to ponder what I'm doing in the world and why. Now that I have some time at home, I have privately spent the last three weeks of my life asking myself,"What defines me?" There's a wonderful list of questions on self discovery created by Aileen of Lavendaire.com. I found this amazing blogger and the journaling resource on Pinterest. While it is meant for journaling, I figured I'd share my journey with my Sirens. Come along with me as I rediscover who I am on Behind the Siren. Today, I answer question 9: what are my priorities at the moment? My PrioritiesI love that one of the questions Aileen asked was about priorities. I am a person who has piled too much on my proverbial plate in the past. I am learning to place thing in order, especially as it pertains to what I take on. Right now my life can be divided into 4 major sections: Spiritual, Creative, Personal, and Professional. Those sections are listed in order of priority. When I have accomplished something in each aspect I feel like a better, more whole person.
So, what are my SPIRITUAL priorities?
What are my CREATIVE priorities? I feel obligated to explain why my creative priorities take presidence over my personal and professional goals. My professional and personal aspirations are secondary because my creative talents are God-given. They give me the peace I need to accomplish the other tasks at hand.
What are my PERSONAL priorities?
What are my PROFESSIONAL priorities? Why would my professional goals be last?! Well, after the way that my life has changed in the last 18 months, I've learned that the heart things have to come first. I trust that if I put the things of God as priority he will put in place all the things I need for my professional life.
Taking the time to actually map out what matters most has put some things in perspective. I had to really ask myself if what I was writing was paramount. With these 8 priorities listed I can now see with clarity what I need to focus on. And boy do I have work. What are are your priorities? Let me know below!
While I was blessed with a pretty serendipitous pregnancy, having my baby girl here in the world with me instead of inside of me has honestly freed me. Being a new mom has forced me to ponder what I'm doing in the world and why. Now that I have some time at home, I have privately spent the last three weeks of my life asking myself,"What defines me?"
There's a wonderful list of questions on self discovery created by Aileen of Lavendaire.com. I found this amazing blogger and the journaling resource on Pinterest. While it is meant for journaling, I figured I'd share my journey with my Sirens. Come along with me as I rediscover who I am on Behind the Siren. what Defines ME?
I used to have this aversion to the "box" definition of a Christian. I also hated the generalities of both black and female identities. The last 18 months of my life have slowly unraveled the tangled webs of my dissidence from "normality." So, what defines me most at this immediate moment is a profound understanding that I am like a lot of other Black Christian women.
Gasps. Grabs heart. Inner Uniqueness passes out.
Modern worldly doctrine makes us feel ashamed for having commonality with those around us. We have become so hell bent on being unique and "ourselves" that we have turned our normal human desire to belong into a curse. Now, instead of embracing other people like us, community has become an accursed thing. How dare you be just like other women who are just like you? We have turned forums and group think into quiet cult-like arenas where we hide in proverbial antiquity.
What chiefly defines me is that I am not alone. Even when society tries to make me feel I am on an island of uniqueness, it really is a nation of other women like me. Secondly, I am a writer who doesn't write her own story. There is a scripture that I have learned to appreciate even more since late 2015. “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 KJV. My savior is the "author and the finisher" of my life. You can imagine that as a writer that scripture always struck a chord with me. It wasn't until God start adding plot twists I wasn't ready for that I truly accepted what it means. God is in control, not my own volition, and certainly not my own strength or character. I am defined by the comfort of knowing that I am not alone. There are other believers who hate Taylor Smith's music and love Nando's Peri Peri. We sci-fi-loving black girls are amongst you. Ha! I am also defined by a deep understanding that the only person who controls who I am is the savior that saved who I was. Now, when life throws some large obstacle in my direction I can yell PLOT TWIST. And brace for impact. God's got this. Are you like me and looking for a community of like-minded women? Join us on the Style Sirens page. Hi, my name is siren. I'm a Christian and I'm an activist.Whew! That was literally hard to write. Here's why: Modern society has made activism and the Christian religion distant from each other. We believers have seemingly become to pious to see the importance of our presence in the fight for social justice. We are so focused on our interests that we get blinded from the big picture; from what I believe are truly God's interests. If you aren't fighting for "Christian" values (i.e. Pro-life, pro-privatization of schools, pro-unity of church and state) then you posting about the disparities of the African American community in America makes you seem more like a secular radical than a believer. So, in the years since true salvation, I have kept quiet in moments of sheer disgust (like the last two weeks). I have treated my Sociology minor as some after fact. I have highlighted my Christian efforts and moonlighted the work I do that I believe breaks social boundaries (sci-fi writing, essay writing, internet chagrinning at racial evil.) For years, I have struggled with the balance between being an uplifter and being an access point to truth. Howard University taught me to recognize truth; social, economic, and political truth. My faith teaches me that the Word is truth. The day to day marrying of those two perspectives is ever present in the way I deal with what is happening in the world around me. There's this tight rope of blackness that I walk, over a valley of Christian shame. I can't point to one person or one group that makes me feel this way. It it is real. It made me uncomfortable in college when the preacher at Chapel talked about politics too much. It makes me avoid conversations about politics with elders in my spiritual community, scared they may denounce Obama for something like not supporting Israel. This grapple has caused me to get off of social media for days at a time to prevent me from constantly writing posts that reflect my political and social opinions. For example, I literally got off of social media for a month after the Zimmerman trial. Even right now, I dread my timeline because of President Donald Trump. But then, something happen. On the same day that Trump issued the Muslim ban, I found out that Flint Michigan still doesn't have proper water. That moment, incited a rant and a lot of prayer. God didn't put me here to tiptoe issues that matter to me. We cringe when our Savior is equated to a revolutionary; forgetting that he literally dismantled a government system that used religion to oppose its people. He was killed for it. That narrative is the backstory of Jesus dying for my sin. THAT MIRACLE. I'm presently working on finding the grace to express the innate frustrations I feel as a black woman in America without shutting down on social media, and without feeling that I am failing as a Christian. Social media is a platform. It is my platform. I'm realizing that, FOR ME, the importance to open the eyes and ears of my peers to social, economic and political truth is just as important as it is to me to share the Word. I can't sit around privately signing petitions, sharing posts that I think are irrefutable, and hesitating to share facts about what is happening in my community. I've dipped and dabbled in all types of things. Since closing ATS, I've been throwing tomatoes at the wall to see which will stick. "Maybe a Christian platform, maybe a mom blog, maybe YouTube." Nothing has sufficed the hunger in my souls to address my people's issues. I'm not an activist quite yet. But I am ready to rise to the call of the high mark on my life. I have no ministry without social justice. I have no social justice without ministry. Pray for me to be strong. Pray for me to be obedient. But, most of all pray for me to be courageous. Check out the sneak peek below of the last email sent from my TinyLetter! Feel free to subscribe! I don't know if it is the fact there is an orange man in the White House. I don't know if it is the fact that I am carrying a young Black mind inside me. I don't know if it is because I sat in on an interview with Micheal Eric Dyson and my husband is reading Why We Can't Wait by MLK. But, I'm finally mad. I'm actually upset beyond reproach. That anger is not removable. It can't be bothered by the stories of Black women doing magical things like past spouts. It cannot be scathed by my understanding that God is sovereign. In fact, my anger, this righteous bubble boiling up to my throat, is championed by my faith. ...media sources line their own pockets while placing a film of despair over a beautiful city, over my beautiful city. I stumbled upon the video above on a friend's Facebook page. While it was released about three months ago I just couldn't shake the conversation between the radio hosts of the Breakfast Club and G-Herbo. I am a diehard for the city of Chicago. I love the diversity of this land. I love the harsh reality of it too. If it weren't for the unique climate of these city limits, some of the nuances that I adore about the people from this land wouldn't exist. So, when the opportunity arises to tap into a Chicagoan shedding light to non-natives I always tune in.
I have my opinions but I before I start with my thought I want to say how much I appreciate Herbo making the hosts realize the harshness of adapting to survive in our community. For too many, the choice of gangs and guns is seen as a voluntary decision instead as a choice of belonging and survival. I am glad that the rapper was articulate enough to discuss the heavy topic that is Chicago in a way that didn't immediately come off negative. While I'm glad that Herbo took the opportunity and that the conversation was had, hearing him talk has reiterated to ME the lack of understanding that WE have about our situation. I started ATS because I truly felt that the media never portrayed my city correctly. There was this dark cloud that news outlets like to cast, when all I saw was a city of brilliance. The work we did to highlight positivity in the city was a fulfillment of my hopes of shining the spotlight in the right direction. Mainstream media has latched on to the Chicago narrative for YEARS. The scary thing about the way the media has portrayed my city is that WE have taken it to be our reality. The violence in Chicago is real. It is as pulsing as any inner city story. But, it is also pimped out my the media without end. It is used by President Trump to belittle the African American reality. It is exasperated by the news when other stories can't be created. Chicagoans have taken the idea that we live in a war zone and allowed it to box us in. When we except the views of outsiders who benefit off our story, we start to think that our city is this horror zone; We start to see ourselves as vigilantes and refugees. And THAT causes us to lose hope, to lose the sparkle in our eye and the focus on the reality. Instead of opening our eyes to FEDERAL LEGISLATION that makes it easy for some of the local problems that persist here, Chicagoans think that our problems are our own. Instead of demanding news outlets cover the literal THOUSANDS of organization, we benefit companies with our ratings as they cover the murder count every weekend. Herbo mentioned the difference in community and youth engagement in his story, noting a decrease in options to go elsewhere. I resent his statements that the youth have no where to go because I know too many people dedicating their lives to this fight. I have watched too many organizations claw for government dollars to benefit the land. I have heard too many stories of people who, like Herbo said, were given choices to survive and they chose the OPPOSITE of what the media portrays. I have also watched many of those people pack up and not return. Do you know how many people who work in the media in New York are from Chicago? The Breakfast Club could have spoken to any of those natives. I found the questioning strange. If they truly were interested I'm sure they could have gotten a consensus without taking up Herbo's press time. No shade to the Breakfast Club, but they spoke to Herbo because perpetuating the idea of nonstop violence in Chicago sells. Sitting in a circle having a "genuine" conversation about violence in Chicago is enticing both to audiences and to ratings, but how does that benefit my city? i wish I could pass out pamphlets and buttons, post signs and posters, with one statement for all media outlets to see. That sign would simply say, "If you aren't benefiting us, don't talk about us." I can only imagine the change that would happen if every radio conversation, every article, every news segment that spoke on Chicago violence benefited the city. It could be done either through discussing an org that works to combat our issues or highlighting ways alternatives are presented everyday. Instead, media sources line their own pockets while placing a film of despair over a beautiful city, over my beautiful city. There is a video circulating the internet called "The DNA Journey." While I'm going to share this, it's ridiculous that millions of Americans need to be reminded that they are connected literally through DNA. We get stuck in the vastness of our immediate surroundings that we forget how small (literally) Earth really is.
i have never wanted to take this test because 1.) I know that my heritage has a history I know absolutely nothing of. Most African Americans can't trace their ancestry back more than 3 generations. 2.) It has always been clear to me that the answers man can provide will never negate facts. The facts that I don't need DNA to prove are everywhere. Why would I be haughty about my "identity?" What about the fact that we all breath in the same air and exhale the same carbon dioxide? What about the fact that no matter where on Earth you live, we all walk above molten magma that is inside the core of our planet? Whether you're on the Western Hemisphere or the Eastern, guess what: the same sun and moon greet you. Whether you are a billionaire or homeless, at some point, we all die: leaving this earth with the same question we have had all our lives. What will it be like "on the other side?" Because we have NO clue. Why do we need man-made technology to remind us of our commonality, when all around us God has made it very clear that we are all here together. This journey is not some great reminder to me. This is annoying to watch. It's a constant reminder that people have not only boxed themselves in; we have allowed our devices and our divisions to separate a world we honestly have no control over. Want proof that we have no control. Look at natural disasters. Hurricanes rip through countries and states without recognition of their borders. God does not care about our divisions! He made us. And if there are those who think God favors one race over the other I'd ask them to prove it. Did God stop death for your people? Did God put a pause on disease for your people? Have you escaped the need to breath and are you living on land other than the crust on which the rest of the world walks? No?! I'm shocked! Really. 😒 The only sovereign one is God. Believers in His son are not sovereign because we know the Truth. The fact that so many racist people believe my faith sometimes sickens me. The Bible does not exalt believers. In fact, it reminds us that we are to value others ABOVE ourselves. What about Israel? Weren't they God's chosen? Well to that I say this: Did not Jesus preach to Gentiles (foreigners) and Jews. In John 4, Jesus spoke of a water that quenches thirst forever to a Samaritan woman at a well. Even in her awe she addressed the division between her people and the Jews. Jesus debunked her smallness with this statement. ““Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem.” John 4:21 NIV If Jesus, the son of God, looked past his sovereignty to save a people who would kill each other over divisions he doesn't even acknowledge, HOW MUCH MORE ARE YOU REQUIRED TO LOOK PAST YOUR FEEBLE SOVEREIGN IDENTITY? I am not writing this to appeal to racists. The video appeals to racism. To be frank, that is another reason why I don't like it. I am writing this as a reminder for myself. This is a glorious beacon for my soon coming child, that racism is feeble. Racism is small minded. There are millions of other planets in space; most are bigger than ours. I'm writing this to remind my child that there are millions of reasons to be humble. These are just a few that I could mention. In the last year, I've shared less and less. Can I be honest? Sharing my story has not been easy. I have been trying to sum up the last year of my life for months now. And I just haven't been able to. But, I was admonished by the word of God and my pastor.
About two weeks ago, God asked me a question that has been on my heart ever since. "How will I be glorified?" So let me back up. About a month and a half ago, I recorded the third video attempt of me telling this year's testimony. But, like I did the last two times, I refused to share it. And in prayer God dealt with me. He reminded me of a covenant I made with him back in June of 2013. I promised God that I would tell my testimony EVERY time he blessed me. And up until about Oct. of last year I had kept my word. I have shied away from blogging and posting on social media for some time now. God has been so busy in my life. I didn't want to share too much of my business or have my story perceived the wrong way. So, instead of sharing some of the greatest moments of my life, I've hidden my testimony. So, back to when I was praying concerning another crazy blessing God has given my husband and I (our first child). And God literally asked me how he could be glorified. The culture of silence I had cultivated in my own life was hindering my assignment, my covenant with God. Of course our sovereign God will be glorified. His word says the rocks will cry out. I believe God spoke that to me to snap me back into the covenant I made with him. So, I told my husband and I became resolute. No more hiding the goodness of God. The next Sunday, as I sat in church, my pastor began teaching on cultivating faith. He spoke from Luke 18:35-42. But the last verse in the text is what stuck with me. The blind man was immediately healed and glorified Jesus, and the people watching gave God praise. Pastor Chin admonished us that if we do all the things that equate to faith but forget to glorify God, we've missed the point. I was in awe. God is faithful. When he speaks to us, he often sends confirmation. That sermon was confirmation that the blessings of the last year must be shared. Here is the video I recorded, unedited and raw. I hope it fills you with the hope that God has given me. |
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